True Love: Hugh Hefner, 84, to Wed Crystal Harris, 24

It was announced over Twitter that Hugh Hefner, 84 year-old perpetual adolescent, has given an engagement ring to Playmate Crystal Harris, 24. We have it from a good source that Hefner walkered himself into the room and gave Harris a big red lollipop -- the ring was embedded therein and Harris discovered it on the 23rd lick.  "Ooooh, a ring," she squealed, as she dropped her Barbie Doll and danced a jig around the room.  "Does it squirt water?  Is it a magic decoding ring?" she asked.

The happy couple has much in common:  Hefner remembers World War II and Crystal remembers last week.  Hefner loves Benny Goodman and Big Band music while Crystal loves Hip Hop and Rap.  Hefner is a fan of Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. Crystal is a fan of SpongeBob SquarePants.

What will this twosome do when they aren't having hot sex?  Probably have deeply intellectual conversations about mysticism, quantum mechanics, federalism vs anti-federalism, string theory, parallel universes and the physics of black holes (the ones in space).  Or maybe Hugh will just fall asleep while Crystal plays video games.  Yeah, probably the latter.

Hugh baby, you made it to 84 and haven't yet figured it out:  there's a big difference between a sex partner and a soul mate.   At your age you should be far more concerned with the latter than the former.  HINT:  a soul mate is someone who would marry you even if you weren't filthy rich. Does Crystal really fit that definition?